My Epiphany and Social Media…
Some of you may know I am becoming a Certified Health Coach through the Health Coach Institute. I am loving it and it is a wonderful program! There aren’t enough great things to say about it, if you have any questions about it at all, please let me know. As this road unfolds, lots of epiphany’s are happening; lots of “ah ha” moments if you will; insights into who God made me to be, what my needs are and how life has played into that. It’s about WAAAAY more than what to eat, when to eat, etc. Yes, that is a part, but just a small part, as it is about so much more than that. Life issues. For real. And, I seem to have lots of them, ha!
An epiphany that has struck me recently is my need for community. My need for authentic, real community where I can be transparent, real, honest, vulnerable and still be loved and accepted and belong. {Those are the three basics needs, according to Maslow, right?} It has occurred to me lately that the word “unfulfilled” is one I could use to describe my life currently. And to be gut level honest, yet again, that is a terrible word to say, as I have a fantastic husband, my kids are pretty good for the most part {it is summer and we are getting lots of time together, so this perception might be a bit jaded, ha!}, we have a home we love, great neighbors, a wonderful church. By and large, life is good. So what is the missing piece for me? I think it is community. This has made me reflect on my life as a whole and try to better understand what is happening, and why I feel this way now.
Part of me wondered if it was being a part of a sorority here and being back in the same town I went to college in was causing me to want/need that again? Nope, not it. Part of me wondered if our “gypsy genes” and all the moves have had a part in this. Likely, they have. It also occurred to me that our small group in Illinois was so phenomenal that the other places we lived aren’t set up that way and that is part of the puzzle. It could very well be, still processing that one. I think another part of it is that our kids go to a private school vs the local school the kids in the neighborhood go to and on top of that, we don’t go to the church at the school that our kids attend. {Does that make any sense at all?} All of this to say, there are lots of opportunities to feel disconnected. While I am sure those all play a part, I think I have found the root of it…are you ready?
When our daughter was born 9 years ago, we made the decision for me to stay home with her. When you have a newborn, life changes big time! There are feedings, nap schedules and they become more important than what you had been doing {at least in my case…I think to avoid crying, screaming, etc. I tried to be proactive and live on her schedule vs. adjusting her to mine. That’s another topic for another time though!} As a result, this caused isolation. New mama, postpartum depression, living in Wisconsin the winter they had 15 inches of snow, you see where this is going. I think this is when/where my connection with PEOPLE in REAL life started to dwindle a bit. Just like a tiny part of a many strand cord being cut.
When she was 15 months old, we moved to Illinois and got plugged into our church home once we finally found it and had an amazing community within our small group. LOVED it and to this day, haven’t been a part of a group like it. These were OUR people, in a similar stage of life, raising kids, doing the parent thing together. It was beautiful. Then, we moved to South Dakota. Another move. Another start. I wonder if at this point, my heart was so sad about leaving our community in Illinois behind that I kind of shut down. Sure, we did go to a Sunday school class there, God connected us with an amazing mentor couple, we had some good friends there, but again, we weren’t there very long until we moved here, to Indiana. Where I grew up. Where I knew people from high school and college. From who I was then and who they were then. Not as who I am now, or who they are now. I moved “home” as an adult.
What I’m finding here in Indiana is that I am missing authentic community. The people here are lovely, we have a wonderful church home, wonderful neighbors, yet the authentic community piece is missing. I think, largely, that is because when I became a stay at home mom and the isolation started, I turned to facebook. Facebook was my connection. It was what served me well at the time, but I’m questioning if it is serving me well now. I don’t want to connect with what people are selling or what they are eating {yes, I am guilty of both of these things}, but I want to connect with them as my FRIENDS. People I care about, people I know, like and trust. People who have my back and I have theirs. And, I’m not sure this is the case with social media. I think that I have been misusing facebook, or not using it as the tool it was made for. I have been looking online for authentic community that happens off line, in person, in real relationships, over coffee, lunch, etc. Doing life and being in each others space, vs a newsfeed. Does this make any sense? I love facebook and am a huge fan of social media, so if you think I am saying I don’t like it, that’s not it. It is simply that I have been using it in a way that isn’t serving me well. Facebook is a wonderful tool to connect with and keep up with friends for sure. But I think I have used it or let it replace the personal side of relationships that we need, that we are wired for.
Part of what I’m learning about in my health coach training is that our tendency is when something isn’t serving us well anymore, we want to cut it out or cut it off of our lives, rather than working with it, or using it differently. My approach going forward is to be mindful of how I am using facebook and use it in a way that serves me best, based on where I am now. At the time of being a new mom, it’s purpose was different than it is for me now, as a mama of older kiddos.
All this to say, I would love to hear your feedback on facebook, and if you’d like to connect in person vs. behind the screens of our phones or computers, let me know……coffee is my love language, you know! Blessings on you!
